Pain Is My Constant Companion
Image by Evgeni Tcherkasski from Pixabay
“I am the God of circumstances. You did not come to this place by accident — You are exactly where I meant for you to be.”
— Unknown
“I am suffering and in pain. Rescue me, O God, by your saving power.”
— Psalm 69:29
Welcome to a new start to Mosaic: Restored by Divine Design. God has given me great hopes to bring you fresh weekly insights, thoughts, and ramblings that He has laid on my heart to share with you. In this revamped, new edition, I find many questions knocking at my heart’s door. Things like …
Is it possible to live above your life circumstances? What if you are living with physical, emotional, or spiritual pain? When we are baffled by hard life circumstances, God is often asked “why?” Why did Mom have to get Parkinson’s disease? Why did my brother take his own life? Hard questions with no easy answers.
I have grown weary of my own set of circumstances — chronic, unrelenting nerve pain — my constant companion. I’m confident God has not grown weary of me, thankfully.
For those of you who know me well, you know I’m living in the “land of limbo.” A holding pattern, waiting on God. Physical limitations put a damper on what I’m able to do. A high achiever with nothing to achieve; a beaver with no dam to build. I long to be serving God, yet I feel as though I am sitting on the sidelines, waiting for Him to call me into the game.
I start to see a glimmer of hope. Not of healing, but of contentment.
I’m in training in God’s gymnasium … hand-tailored tests and trials to build up my faith and teach me to trust God, no matter the circumstances He engineers in my life. It’s tedious at times. Dull. God is teaching me truths I may not have learned if my life had remained comfortable.
I feel shutdown. I become restless and impatient, which robs me of peace and joy. Is God really good? I wonder. Does He really love me? I wonder if He is absent in the midst of my circumstances. God’s sovereignty over my life apart from His love would be harsh, even cruel; and sometimes it does feel that way.
A fresh start for 2021
So here we are in the second quarter of 2021. I haven’t written anything in quite a while, and for good reason — I haven’t been healthy.
2,555 … the number of consecutive days I have lived with chronic nerve pain with little to no relief. I was diagnosed with a rare and incurable neurological disease (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome/CRPS) in 2014. Chronic nerve pain is part of my daily life, and it influences every aspect of my physical, spiritual, and emotional being.
“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death … No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us” (Romans 8:35, 37).
In April 2019, I was diagnosed with asthma. Since then, I have been admitted to the ICU fifteen times, and during one of the admissions I had to be put on a ventilator to help me breathe. Now severe asthma is also part of my daily life.
My circumstances have made my life challenging, each and every day.
I have wrestled with, “Do I need favorable circumstances to be the person God created me to be?”
God knows, I am willing and available despite my health to serve Him by serving others. It’s my passion!
Mosaic: Restored by Divine Design is meant to encourage those who have tests, trials, and troubles in their lives. Which translates into most of us, right?!
Writing a book has been on the top of my wish list for years. The time seems right. I have a wonderful new friend and editor who will help me on this new writing journey. The focus of the book will center on pain and suffering and how to respond in the midst of it in a God-honoring way.
“Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:3).
“Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you” (Psalm 37:5).
Pain
Pain is my constant companion, but it doesn’t define who I am. It causes me to have trouble focusing and concentrating on the tasks before me. Both pain and asthma have put a limit on how I live life. But with God there are no limits. He is sovereign over all the details of my life.
“For nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37).
Final Thoughts
If you feel God is leading you, please help me increase awareness and readership of this space that is meant to encourage and inspire. Perhaps simply share this blog post with friends on Facebook. Or maybe you have other ideas. If friends would like to receive a blog post to their inbox, they simply fill out their email address under Subscribe.
I look forward to hearing from you. Just click on Comments, and I’ll respond back.
Blessed and Restored,
—Ally